Since I remember, those thoughts were always with me during worship. Today I realise it’s connected with the environment I grew up in, the kind of pietism and code titled „ Christian should” and even with addition of an adjective „good”. With nobodys fault I’ve formed a conviction that good worship is connected with ability to cope with the biggest desire which is, glory from people and one’s own glory. I can even remember my own teachings, as a lider, worshipper must be able to protect himself from the glory from people, be able to reject it, so as God’s glory isn’t harmed. I recollect pictures when I used to frown if someone, touched by worship, was trying to tell me I did good job, that it helped and was good. My spirituality was looking then for evil’s attacks, and joy from being praised was smothered and tramped by my „ carrying the cross” and „ denying myself”.
I know I have some shortage inscribed in my humanity. Shortage of glory. That’s how I’m built, we all. Striving for the whole life in order not to appropriate something, which belongs to God, was paralysing me. Fear of stealing glory from God makes life messy and full of feeling guilty. It was that way, I wanted to give glory to God fully and at the same time I saw my own need of glory, which I was denying, running away from it.
With glory is like with a banknote. Identifying the false one is only possible when we know the original very well, through touch, distinction between colour, font, kind of paper, and even smell.
Jesus said He wasn’t looking for His own glory (J 7.18), but He says at the same time that looking for glory is something good. It’s not about to flee and hide from glory because of ego desires, but it’s about being full and filled with His glory. Jesus says that He’s the real bread coming from the heaven. The bread which satisfies every hunger. The whole secret is about satisfying its lack ( let be filled again – Ef. 5). Jesus gives us glory, which He got from Father and it’s our duty or rather privilege, to look for and experience it. We need to take glory like manna from heaven every day. We are made to take it from Father. Glory, which is light yoke, promised by Jesus.
Worshipper. Man full of joy. Servant, satisfied and fulfilled with glory, which as every day,he got from Jesus’ hands. Insensitive to human’s glory. His identity fed every day with required ration of God’s Glory leads him to haven. To silent waters of fulfilment and satisfaction.