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The Desert

I wonder how deep was David’s awareness of his constant worship. When I go through the patterns of his behavior I have this impression, that he wasn’t always aware of his reactions which became worship. And this childlike naivety… probably the crucial attribute of David’s behavior. The more complicated circumstances the more trust. Ordinary, everyday life was turned into period full of supernatural events. “(…) man after Gods heart (…)” is easier said, than done. Trust which led to the place where everything he did became worship. Fascinating.

Desert sand was penetrating everything. It was striking them, creating chafes and wounds in every wrinkle of their skin. The nights were too cold to relieve them after long marches in the scorching heat of desert sun. They trembled with cold. Their sleep was being disrupted all the time. Every sound could mean that the enemy is near. They were marching many days. Scouts kept bringing bad news on and on. King Saul and his army were close, dangerously close. David and his soldiers were facing the biggest trial of loyalty and friendship. Tremendous pressure was turning on the aggression.  Psalm 63 and other verses in the Bible say that he was in danger because of bitterness of his army, lack of water, hunger and Sauls army chasing them. Amalekites invaded Ziklag – the place where David and his people were stationed and kidnaped their families. David was hearing the voices of grief, grudge and accusations. Deep in his heart he knew they were right. And then he suddenly turned on the one thing that he had always done when he was helpless.

“(…) Lord, I seek You eagerly (…)”, I don’t try to force You. This moment is just as good to tell you how important You are for me, as the one when your joy flows through me and drives me to tears. It doesn’t matter how it looks like or is it appropriate. It is a good moment to be thankful. Look upon my soul, I don’t think it up. My soul is longing for You. I don’t have a strength to be afraid of things that are happening. You are my Shelter. I miss You so much that my soul is dancing in love. I know that you see me. I love your patience with me. My body is pining away, it becomes dry like a bone. Everything inside me shouts that it wants You! The lack of feeling your power as lack of rain. I am withering, but I keep waiting. I will not be disappointed. “(…) I will bow down before You, I will worship You as long as I live (…)”. I send to You everything I have today, everything available in me. “(…) In Your name I will rise my hands (…)”, “(…) praise the Lord, my soul, all my inmost being (…)”. Oh God, with all my body and all my soul I express the desire of You. I won’t stop seeking you. It is my offering for You.

“(…) let me see You in the sanctuary (…)” I praise You now with anticipation. I won’t be discouraged, I trust You deeply. Your answers always come. They are certain as a down, as a covenant between day and night. You never brake it. You have grace for me. I trust You. You won’t refuse me your Glory. I await your power. It always shows up. I won’t be let down.

“(…) my soul shall be satisfied as with marrow (…)”  You are the same yesterday and today. You are the same as you were ages ago. “(…) that which is to be, already was (…)”. I will never think that you forget me. You are beyond time. Time doesn’t exist for you. Everything you have done yesterday has the same power today. I extol Your signs and wonders, your deeds, and I say: “today You are the same”. Lord, it concerns me. Today is the day. I won’t stop thinking about your deeds. I consider them and I release worship. You are worthy of all praise.

Is it normal? Is it possible? I can’t stop thinking about it. David’s life is full of reactions which seem to be impossible for ordinary man. He behaves like a chosen one, somebody beyond all norms. I am relieved, just for a moment. I want to find some excuse, that I can’t do it, that I can forget about it or hide it somewhere far away. Forget? Really? My heart starts beating faster. It is working despite being reprimanded by me. I am here – it shouts – I am here. You can do what David did! You have me. I look up. I look at the desert confidently. I hear a swoosh of raindrops and that quiet melody sounding deep in my heart. Oh desert, you will blossom!

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